Previous Taglines

Where We’re Looking Forward to Our Government Bailout

Where We Refused Speaker McCarthy’s January 6 Footage

Where We, For One, Welcome Our New Alien Balloon Overlords

Where We Would Also Like to Raise Our Debt Ceiling

Where We’ve Never Lost a Vote for Speaker

Where We Will Never Sell Trading Cards of Ourselves

Where We Always Suspected Twitter was Suppressing Us

Where 80 Is the New 79

Where We’ve Never Been on Page 26

Where We’ve Mistakenly Launched a Podcast

Where We’re Starting to Think This Putin Guy is Bad

Where We’re Thinking of Cancelling Our Trip to . . . Canada?!

Where We’re Thinking of Cancelling Our Trip to Ukraine

Where We’ve Pulled Our Music from Spotify

Where We Never Invoke Cloture

Where We’ll Try Not to Spend This Year’s 27 Cents of Ad Revenue All in One Place

Where We Volunteer to Take Djokovic’s Spot

Where We Kinda Hope We Get the Omicron One

Where Social Media Giants Block Our Content (At Least That’s What We Tell Ourselves)

Where We’ve Been Practicing Social Distancing for Years

Where We’ve Been Playing In Front of Empty Stands for Some Time

Where We Think Dr. Jill Biden Might Head Up the Secret Service

Where We Didn’t Shake Hands Even Before Coronavirus

Where We’re Pretty Sure Bernie Sanders Can’t Pick Julian Castro as His VP Now

Where Bloomberg Had Us Sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement

Where We Never — And We Mean NEVER — Recline Our Airplane Seat if There’s Someone Behind Us

Where We Don’t Think Elizabeth Warren Had a Plan for This

Where We Think “Parasite” Can Make a Run in New Hampshire

Where We Really Hope John Kerry is Not Reporting for Duty

Where We Always Worried We Were the Product of a Satanic Pregnancy

Where Nobody Likes Us Either

Where We Still Dream of Making the Perfect Phone Call

Where Our 409k Literally Couldn’t Be Doing Better

Where We Were Also Cut from Home Alone 2

Where We Never Understood Wind Either

Where We Hope No One Finds Our Wine Cave

Where We Never Flush Fewer Than 15 Times

Where A Majority of Our Readers Think We’re Better Writers Than Lincoln

Where We Want to Punch Domestic Violence in the Face

Where Only a Couple People Booed Us At the Nationals Game

Where We’ll Keep Writing If You Keep Reading (But That Is NOT a Quid Pro Quo)

Where We Regularly Show Great and Unmatched Wisdom

Where the Hyphen in Liddle’ is Always Silent

Where We KNEW We Should Have Kept That Record Player!

Where Our Top Priority is Determining Whether a Hurricane Was Once Headed Toward Alabama

Where We Hereby Order American Companies To Force Their Employees to Bookmark This Website Until the Election

Donde Necesitamos Comprar Rosetta Stone Antes del Próximo Debate

Where Our Guess for Why “Prince of Whales” Was Trending on Twitter Was 100% Correct

Where We Had No Idea Getting to the Moon Also Crossed Mars Off the List

Where We Should Commemorate D-Day as a Hallowed Day in History… PS. Nancy Pelosi Sucks.

Where We Hope the New York Times Doesn’t Uncover Our Failures from the 1990s

Where Most of Our Articles Should Probably Be Redacted

Where We Should Have Named This Website After Ourselves

Where You Might Think This Website is Okay. We Do Not.

Where We Thought It Was a GOOD Thing That Our President Didn’t Collude with Russia

Where Albert Einstein Can At Least Be Our Co-Pilot… and Our 11th Most Influential Figure in Western History

Where We Never Believe Michael Cohen Except When He Says Stuff We Already Believed Was True, At Which Point He’s Very Trustworthy

Have Readers Come Our Way? Well, We Don’t Want To Say That…. We Think Most People Would Say That.

Where We Aim to Improve Bipartisan Relations with All the Losers and Jerks That Stupidly Disagree with Us

Where We’re Starting to Think We Don’t Schedule Enough “Executive Time”

Where We Live in Fear of Global Waming

Where We, Too, Deal With An Absolutely Out Of Control Staff

This Site Is Kept Free to Read Because Mexico Pays For ItIndirectly

Where We Wish Everyone a Happy and Successful 3013!

Where We’d Wish You “Happy Holidays” But We Don’t Want to Offend Anyone

Believing in This Website is Marginal at Any Age

Where We’re Perpetually on the Verge of a Shutdown

Where Everyone Does Very Low-Level Work

Where We Don’t Read Briefing Reports Either

Where We Gives Ourselves an A+, But Only Because We Can’t Get Anything Higher

Where We Don’t Know Matt Whitaker But We Know Him and Think He’s a Great Guy

Where, In Less Than Two Years, My Website Has Accomplished More Than Almost Any Website in the History of Our–Wait, Why Are You Laughing?

Where We Want to Remain Anomnus… Ammomus… Amononmumus

Where We Are Also Part of the Resistance, But You Already Knew That

Where We Really Hope They Don’t… Raid Medicare to Pay For Socialism???

Where we hope we can again rely on humility, on our need to cooperate, on our dependence on each other to learn how to trust each other again.

Where We Have Always Been the Enemy of the People, But No One Noticed

Where We Always Show ID at the Grocery Store

Where We Don’t Get Why We Can’t Just Take Putin’s Word For -… Wait, He’s Done WHAT?!

Where All Our Bad Articles Were a Result of Ambien

Where We Hear By… No Wait… Where We Hearby… No, No, Hang On… Where We Hereby Demand… Sorry, I’ve Forgotten What It Was.

Where We Have Had the Most Successful First 30-Month Website in U.S. History – By Far!

Where We Wish Happy Mother’s Day to All Moms, Especially the One Who Shares All Our Facebook Posts

Where We Ask That You Remind Us Never to Hire Rudy Giuliani As Our Attorney

Where We Are Dragon Energy

Where We Think Mitt Romney Has Mastered Finishing in Second

Where Our Offices Get Raided All the Time… But Usually By a Three-Year-Old

Where Our Googling of Stormy Daniels is Strictly for Research Purposes

Where We Think Russia Must Be So Embarrassed of Its Futile Attempt to Disrupt American Politics

Where We’re Refusing Our Salary Until the Shutdown Is Over

Where We’re, Like, Really Smart

Where All Our Buttons Are Big & Powerful

Where Old Acquaintances Are Never Forgotten and, Instead, Always Brought to Mind

Where We’re Saying Happy Boxing Day Again

Where, Miraculously, We’ve Posted on Eight Straight Mondays. Happy Holidays!

Where We’re Starting to Think There Will Be No One Left to Film Our Movies or Write Our Laws

Where All Bad Posts Were Written By Our Lawyer

Where Time Magazine Called to Say That We Were PROBABLY going to be named “Blog (Website) of the Year,” but We Would Have to Agree to an Interview and a Major Photo Shoot. We Said Probably is No Good and Took a Pass. Thanks Anyway!

Where, After Careful Deliberation, We’ve Determined Democrats Are Preferable to Pedophiles

Where We Think It’s Hilarious That People Forgot About Marco Rubio Until Trump Got Thirsty

Where We Frequently #TakeAKnee, But Mostly Because We’re Exhausted

Where We Don’t Welcome the Golden State Warriors to Our House Either… Unless, You Know, They’re Interested

Where You’ve Come to the Right Place If You Want to Know “What Happened”

Where We Think Some of the White Walkers Are Very Fine People

‘Where We Don’t Know How People Will Ever Learn History Without Statues of Traitors in Public Squares

Where a Post about Birth Control After Recent Events is Purely Coincidental

Where We Think It’s Safe to Say President Trump Is Taking Heat From Many Sides… From Many Sides

Where We’re Starting to Think of Kim Jong-il‘s Reign as the Good ‘Ole Days

Where God Has Given Us the Authority to Call BS on God-Given Authority

Where the Size of Our Staff Makes It Really Easy to Identify Leakers

Where We’re Taking Bets on Who Gets Blamed the Most in Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Memoir, and the Longest Odds Are for Hillary Clinton’s Campaign

Where We, Too, Want You to Stop Listening to the Bombastic Loudmouths on the Radio and Television and the Interne— Nevermind, the Internet’s Fine

Where We Feel “Beleaguered” On a Daily Basis

Where We Hope Melissa McCarthy Ends Up on Her Feet

Where Something Will Happen, and It Will Be Very Good

Where We Decline Russia and Its Government’s Support (Unless, You Know, They’re Offering)

This is infinity here. It could be infinity. We don’t really don’t know. But it could be. It has to be something — but it could be infinity, right?

Where We Think a “Mean” Healthcare Bill Kind of Defeats the Purpose

Where Our Tweets Aren’t Policy Either

No Website in History Has Ever Been Treated Worse or More Unfairly

Where We

Where We’re Really Angry to See What’s Happening with Regard to the Civil War

Where We Blame Our Low Readership on Comey and Wikileaks

Where We Thought Updating Taglines Would Be Easier

Where We Think Your Approach to Internet Surfing Should Be Presidential Politics for “America First”

Where We Think “Sending Ships to South Korea” Could Be a Great Euphemism

Not Even Hitler Blogged This Badly

Where We Are Also Guided By the Beauty of Our Weapons

Where We Think No Nunes is Good Nunes

Where We Also Have A Story To Tell

Where All Our Bathrooms Are Unisex

Where We Regularly Blame the Freedom Caucus for All Sorts of Things

Where We Always Feel Partially Vindicated

Where We Never Knew Lincoln Was in the Party of Lincoln

Where We Hope To B As Goode as Johnny

Where We Also Dismissed 46 of Our Attorneys

Where We Never Knew How Complicated Health Care Could Be

Where You Will Never Be Released from the Individual Mandate

Where We Have No Knowledge of a Wiretapp

Your Home for Presidential Politics. (And Now: Other Stuff, Too!)


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