Where We’re Looking Forward to Our Government Bailout
Where We Refused Speaker McCarthy’s January 6 Footage
Where We, For One, Welcome Our New Alien Balloon Overlords
Where We Would Also Like to Raise Our Debt Ceiling
Where We’ve Never Lost a Vote for Speaker
Where We Will Never Sell Trading Cards of Ourselves
Where We Always Suspected Twitter was Suppressing Us
Where 80 Is the New 79
Where We’ve Never Been on Page 26
Where We’ve Mistakenly Launched a Podcast
Where We’re Starting to Think This Putin Guy is Bad
Where We’re Thinking of Cancelling Our Trip to . . . Canada?!
Where We’re Thinking of Cancelling Our Trip to Ukraine
Where We’ve Pulled Our Music from Spotify
Where We Never Invoke Cloture
Where We’ll Try Not to Spend This Year’s 27 Cents of Ad Revenue All in One Place
Where We Volunteer to Take Djokovic’s Spot
Where We Kinda Hope We Get the Omicron One
Where Social Media Giants Block Our Content (At Least That’s What We Tell Ourselves)
Where We’ve Been Practicing Social Distancing for Years
Where We’ve Been Playing In Front of Empty Stands for Some Time
Where We Think Dr. Jill Biden Might Head Up the Secret Service
Where We Didn’t Shake Hands Even Before Coronavirus
Where We’re Pretty Sure Bernie Sanders Can’t Pick Julian Castro as His VP Now
Where Bloomberg Had Us Sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement
Where We Never — And We Mean NEVER — Recline Our Airplane Seat if There’s Someone Behind Us
Where We Don’t Think Elizabeth Warren Had a Plan for This
Where We Think “Parasite” Can Make a Run in New Hampshire
Where We Really Hope John Kerry is Not Reporting for Duty
Where We Always Worried We Were the Product of a Satanic Pregnancy
Where Nobody Likes Us Either
Where We Still Dream of Making the Perfect Phone Call
Where Our 409k Literally Couldn’t Be Doing Better
Where We Were Also Cut from Home Alone 2
Where We Never Understood Wind Either
Where We Hope No One Finds Our Wine Cave
Where We Never Flush Fewer Than 15 Times
Where A Majority of Our Readers Think We’re Better Writers Than Lincoln
Where We Want to Punch Domestic Violence in the Face
Where Only a Couple People Booed Us At the Nationals Game
Where We’ll Keep Writing If You Keep Reading (But That Is NOT a Quid Pro Quo)
Where We Regularly Show Great and Unmatched Wisdom
Where the Hyphen in Liddle’ is Always Silent
Where We KNEW We Should Have Kept That Record Player!
Where Our Top Priority is Determining Whether a Hurricane Was Once Headed Toward Alabama
Where We Hereby Order American Companies To Force Their Employees to Bookmark This Website Until the Election
Donde Necesitamos Comprar Rosetta Stone Antes del Próximo Debate
Where Our Guess for Why “Prince of Whales” Was Trending on Twitter Was 100% Correct
Where We Had No Idea Getting to the Moon Also Crossed Mars Off the List
Where We Should Commemorate D-Day as a Hallowed Day in History… PS. Nancy Pelosi Sucks.
Where We Hope the New York Times Doesn’t Uncover Our Failures from the 1990s
Where Most of Our Articles Should Probably Be Redacted
Where We Should Have Named This Website After Ourselves
Where You Might Think This Website is Okay. We Do Not.
Where We Thought It Was a GOOD Thing That Our President Didn’t Collude with Russia
Where Albert Einstein Can At Least Be Our Co-Pilot… and Our 11th Most Influential Figure in Western History
Where We Never Believe Michael Cohen Except When He Says Stuff We Already Believed Was True, At Which Point He’s Very Trustworthy
Have Readers Come Our Way? Well, We Don’t Want To Say That…. We Think Most People Would Say That.
Where We Aim to Improve Bipartisan Relations with All the Losers and Jerks That Stupidly Disagree with Us
Where We’re Starting to Think We Don’t Schedule Enough “Executive Time”
Where We Live in Fear of Global Waming
Where We, Too, Deal With An Absolutely Out Of Control Staff
This Site Is Kept Free to Read Because Mexico Pays For It… Indirectly
Where We Wish Everyone a Happy and Successful 3013!
Where We’d Wish You “Happy Holidays” But We Don’t Want to Offend Anyone
Believing in This Website is Marginal at Any Age
Where We’re Perpetually on the Verge of a Shutdown
Where Everyone Does Very Low-Level Work
Where We Don’t Read Briefing Reports Either
Where We Gives Ourselves an A+, But Only Because We Can’t Get Anything Higher
Where We Don’t Know Matt Whitaker But We Know Him and Think He’s a Great Guy
Where We Want to Remain Anomnus… Ammomus… Amononmumus
Where We Are Also Part of the Resistance, But You Already Knew That
Where We Really Hope They Don’t… Raid Medicare to Pay For Socialism???
Where We Have Always Been the Enemy of the People, But No One Noticed
Where We Always Show ID at the Grocery Store
Where We Don’t Get Why We Can’t Just Take Putin’s Word For -… Wait, He’s Done WHAT?!
Where All Our Bad Articles Were a Result of Ambien
Where We Hear By… No Wait… Where We Hearby… No, No, Hang On… Where We Hereby Demand… Sorry, I’ve Forgotten What It Was.
Where We Have Had the Most Successful First 30-Month Website in U.S. History – By Far!
Where We Wish Happy Mother’s Day to All Moms, Especially the One Who Shares All Our Facebook Posts
Where We Ask That You Remind Us Never to Hire Rudy Giuliani As Our Attorney
Where We Are Dragon Energy
Where We Think Mitt Romney Has Mastered Finishing in Second
Where Our Offices Get Raided All the Time… But Usually By a Three-Year-Old
Where Our Googling of Stormy Daniels is Strictly for Research Purposes
Where We Think Russia Must Be So Embarrassed of Its Futile Attempt to Disrupt American Politics
Where We’re Refusing Our Salary Until the Shutdown Is Over
Where We’re, Like, Really Smart
Where All Our Buttons Are Big & Powerful
Where Old Acquaintances Are Never Forgotten and, Instead, Always Brought to Mind
Where We’re Saying Happy Boxing Day Again
Where, Miraculously, We’ve Posted on Eight Straight Mondays. Happy Holidays!
Where We’re Starting to Think There Will Be No One Left to Film Our Movies or Write Our Laws
Where All Bad Posts Were Written By Our Lawyer
Where, After Careful Deliberation, We’ve Determined Democrats Are Preferable to Pedophiles
Where We Think It’s Hilarious That People Forgot About Marco Rubio Until Trump Got Thirsty
Where We Frequently #TakeAKnee, But Mostly Because We’re Exhausted
Where We Don’t Welcome the Golden State Warriors to Our House Either… Unless, You Know, They’re Interested
Where You’ve Come to the Right Place If You Want to Know “What Happened”
Where We Think Some of the White Walkers Are Very Fine People
‘Where We Don’t Know How People Will Ever Learn History Without Statues of Traitors in Public Squares
Where a Post about Birth Control After Recent Events is Purely Coincidental
Where We Think It’s Safe to Say President Trump Is Taking Heat From Many Sides… From Many Sides
Where We’re Starting to Think of Kim Jong-il‘s Reign as the Good ‘Ole Days
Where God Has Given Us the Authority to Call BS on God-Given Authority
Where the Size of Our Staff Makes It Really Easy to Identify Leakers
Where We’re Taking Bets on Who Gets Blamed the Most in Hillary Clinton’s Campaign Memoir, and the Longest Odds Are for Hillary Clinton’s Campaign
Where We, Too, Want You to Stop Listening to the Bombastic Loudmouths on the Radio and Television and the Interne— Nevermind, the Internet’s Fine
Where We Feel “Beleaguered” On a Daily Basis
Where We Hope Melissa McCarthy Ends Up on Her Feet
Where Something Will Happen, and It Will Be Very Good
Where We Decline Russia and Its Government’s Support (Unless, You Know, They’re Offering)
Where We Think a “Mean” Healthcare Bill Kind of Defeats the Purpose
Where Our Tweets Aren’t Policy Either
No Website in History Has Ever Been Treated Worse or More Unfairly
Where We
Where We’re Really Angry to See What’s Happening with Regard to the Civil War
Where We Blame Our Low Readership on Comey and Wikileaks
Where We Thought Updating Taglines Would Be Easier
Where We Think Your Approach to Internet Surfing Should Be Presidential Politics for “America First”
Where We Think “Sending Ships to South Korea” Could Be a Great Euphemism
Not Even Hitler Blogged This Badly
Where We Are Also Guided By the Beauty of Our Weapons
Where We Think No Nunes is Good Nunes
Where We Also Have A Story To Tell
Where All Our Bathrooms Are Unisex
Where We Regularly Blame the Freedom Caucus for All Sorts of Things
Where We Always Feel Partially Vindicated
Where We Never Knew Lincoln Was in the Party of Lincoln
Where We Hope To B As Goode as Johnny
Where We Also Dismissed 46 of Our Attorneys
Where We Never Knew How Complicated Health Care Could Be
Where You Will Never Be Released from the Individual Mandate
Where We Have No Knowledge of a Wiretapp
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